Entropy has been posting lately about marriage, or for you Princess Bride fans, mawwaige. In one of the posts about the burden of honesty we were talking about would we want to know if our spouse was unfaithful.
Entropy said yes. I don't think I would want to know. I think it is pure selfishness to unload that onto someone else just so you can feel better. I think it more fitting that the cheater suffer the guilt and burden alone. Dumping that on an unsuspecting spouse is just insult to injury.
I know three couples who have dealt with this issue. One is still together and the other two are divorced. The woman who is divorced was willing to forgive her husband and wanted to work on their marriage and save it. She has never said an unkind word about that cheating jerk. I have often been impressed by her love and commitment to him. The husband in the other couple was willing to overlook his wife's infidelity and work on their marriage for the sake of the children.
And it makes me wonder what is lacking in me because I'm pretty sure that I could not forgive or forget much less trust my husband if he ever did such a thing. And he'd never touch me again, that's for damn certain.
When we had one of our meetings with the priest before we got married, Father asked if there was anything we wouldn't be able to forgive. My soon to be husband said no. I said, adamantly yes: infidelity and drugs/alcohol. Father kinda blinked then looked at my husband and said, well, now you know.
Here's why: infidelity is not an accident. It is a deliberate choice each and every step along the way, it is a choice. Clothes don't just fall off. You don't just magically end up in someone else's bed. It may take several steps or one giant one, but it is still a choice. Each piece of clothing you remove is a choice.
That was one of the reasons I didn't like the movie He's Just Not That Into You. It showed the husband making those steps. He tried a little bit, to avoid the temptation but he kept putting himself in situations that could lead to more than just temptation.
For those husbands and wives who are willing and able to forgive and forge on, I have nothing but respect and admiration for them. Maybe a little bit of envy, too. It takes a lot of forgiveness, strength, courage, love and humility to be able to do that.
Would you, could you forgive infidelity? Would you want to know that your spouse was unfaithful to you?