Friday, January 30, 2009


I received this very kind award from Monica.

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

My recipients is....

The Mom

Respect your elders

My Dad is 82, gonna be 83 this year. He's a remarkable man in many ways. He tools around the internet like nobody's business. He reads papers from all over the world, sometimes he works on it in the original language. He reads, he watches TV. He's an active man, for the most part.

Dad's been having memory issues lately, which he acknowledges, and which he says, can undermine one's confidence. Memory issues at his age are understandable. As Dad's sharp in every other way, it is not a huge worry.

The worry is this: he thinks some of his children are coming into his house and taking things. And then, they bring the things back. One such item to make a trip are the moldy old encyclopedias that are so out of date that 98% of the countries in those books no longer exist. He also thinks his drawers are being rearranged. He cannot see that this is highly unlikely. Only one of us has a key to my Dad's house. My Dad has some reason to feel as he does. My sister came sometime after my mom died and rummaged through my Dad's house for something as he sat there. I truly believe that sister is some sort of crazy, because, who could do that? It was after that episode that my Dad changed his locks.

Here is my dilemma: my sister Magnificent wants to find out the name of my Dad's doctor and contact him with concerns that my Dad has dementia and to see if he can be tested and if there is medication for it. I tried to talk to Dad last night and tell him my (our) concerns and ask if he wouldn't mention it to his doctor. He won't. He absolutely won't. First, because he thinks people are really coming in rearranging things and taking stuff, and secondly, he would never admit to someone that his kids are creeps, and cruel to boot.

Is it wrong to take information Dad might give me, in trust, to violate that trust and go behind his back, even if it is for a good reason? He would never tell me a thing if he thought that was what I was trying to do with it. Nor would he ever forgive me. Or is it right to take care of something for him, especially because he can't see something is wrong? No amount of talking or logic is going to change his mind.

It says in the bible to respect your father, even if his mind fail. So, in this case, is it respect to ignore his wishes and do what's 'best' for him or is it respect to do as he wants?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The kindness of strangers

I am a pretty private, introverted person. I usually don't reveal things, especially if to reveal it would cause another hurt or worry. But in my joy with being pregnant, I told everyone I know, to share the joy but mostly for prayers. I would have done TV spots or billboards, had there been time. I put a request into our parish prayer chain first for a healthy pregnancy and baby and then again for miscarriage.

A very generous lady who is on the prayer chain and also has an adoration hour called me this morning to tell me that lots of people are praying for me and to hang in there. She said that this baby is in heaven, and what better place to be? I agreed, saying that it is a parent's goal to see their child in heaven. She said that she prays to Our Lady asking her to wrap her arms around her daughters and that she would offer the same prayer for me. I don't know this lady, wouldn't know her if I passed her on the street yet she took the time to call me with her prayers and condolences. I am amazed and humbled at so generous and courageous an act. I would not have done that. I don't feel I am a very comforting person and never know what to say to someone who is sorrowing.

I was thinking about Blessed Mother Teresa this morning and how she said do small things with great love. I think this lady's phone call was just that... a blessing and a gift to me.

"I was ill and you comforted me..."

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Mary Aibhlinn, little one

Mary Aibhlinn,
I wonder what you look like.. would you have had blond hair like your dad, brown hair like your big sister or red hair from your Grammy? I won't see your face on earth or hold you in my arms but I know that you are snuggled close to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, or in the arms of Our Lady.

Aibhlinn (ave-leen) means longed-for or wished-for child. Nothing could suit you more. Please pray for your family who remain on earth that we accept the will of the Lord and intercede for us so that we may one day get to Heaven and see you face to face.

Love you.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Carrying the Cross

What does it mean to carry the cross? I don't have much experience with this, because my life has been pretty easy. I've had disappointments and difficulties, sure, but never anything serious. I think that during a suffering, we're called to pick up the cross, accept the suffering and submit it to God. Over all, I think we must trust in Christ and His love for us. He knows what is truly best. It is praying, will all sincerity, Thy will be done.

I am going to cry while I carry this cross of having miscarried my baby, at least for a little while. I'm sad but I believe my child is in Heaven, safe in the arms of the Lord, Who created her and to Whom she belongs. Isn't that the desire of any parent - that her child go to Heaven? I have hope that I will one day see her, if I make it to heaven myself. So, I accept, I'm happy and I'm sad, all at once.

Jesus, I trust in You!
This miscarriage makes me think about the sufferings of Our Lady, (and makes mine pale in comparison). She had to watch her Holy and innocent Son being beaten, mocked, spat upon by strangers , and abandoned by His friends. She stood at the foot of the cross watching the nails being driven into His holy hands and feet. All for the sake of our sins, our souls and our salvation. How did she endure it? I could not watch that being done to a stranger, no less my child. How strong is our Lady! Army boots, indeed.

Did you know that hormonally you can have miscarried but may have to wait for your body to catch up? I didn't. I thought it was an all-at-once thing. I hate waiting.

Ok.... and another thing: I think that at my age of 41, almost 42 I should be exempt from getting zits, regardless of the hormones running amok in my system. I never had this many zits at one time in my life when I was a teenager, I think it highly unreasonable I should have them now. That's going to be my miscarriage whining.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Under Attack!

Wow, I really feel under attack by the devil lately. I have been having horrible dreams that seem to be attacking my relationship with my husband, particularly his feelings for me. I have also had terrible dreams about my health and this baby.

My husband said I should be happy I am considered worthy of attack, but, quite frankly, I'd rather fly under the radar where the devil is concerned. I am no St Faustina or St John Vanny!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Tidings of great joy!

I'm thrilled to announce that I'm having a baby! We really need prayers though, because the risk of miscarriage is very high, truly very likely. We are going full tilt with complete joy until we have reason to be otherwise.

We know that this baby belongs first to God and we are so happy He is choosing to create this soul through us. Even though we may never see this baby's face on earth, we will see him someday in heaven.

the giver of life
we praise You and
glorify Your generosity
in the gift of this child
We ask You to strengthen us
as parents to do and accept
Your will for us and for this baby.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

Watch your thoughts

God often seeks to give me a poke when I need to straighten out something in my life. These pokes may come during the gospel reading or homily but most often they are a random thing that I see or read and they always seem to appear when I am struggling with something.

There's a sign at the end of a road near our house that belongs to some sort of christian church that He favors. Not too long ago, the sign said "Watch your thoughts, they become words". Timely, since I have been struggling not to use the word holy in every day speech... holy crap, holy moses, or a favorite of my Dad's: holy lip! I never realized how often I say those things. Using the word holy in these instances are making the word holy ordinary and it loses the power and respect that I should have for holy things.

The other thing I am working on is keeping snotty or critical comments, particularly about my husband, to myself. He's probably tell you that I have not had great success. Well, I'm working on it but, boy, do they fly past my lips with such speed and ease.

The next time I saw that sign, it said, "Watch your words, they become actions" and then, "Watch your actions, they become habits". How easy and quick it is to fall. It sneaks up and before it, it is a habit that takes a month, or so, to break.

I'm struggling to create a good habit. I have a particular coworker (not a favorite) who frequently takes Jesus' name in vain. I want to develop the habit to make a small reparation each time she abuses His name. Have I become hardened to the point of not hearing it? Have I become so accustomed - and by that accepting- of this abuse? How sad when it takes no time at all to create a bad habit but I struggle to create a good one.