I would be the perfect addict. When a dilemma between what I should do and what I want to do arises, what I want to do wins. Always. Doesn't matter that I know better. Doesn't matter what it is. This is a particular problem when it comes to sin.
Right now it is a particular problem because I do not want to go to Mass. I feel revulsion when it is time to go. I feel sick. I get a stomach ache or an upset stomach. I don't know why I feel this way. I know what the right thing to do is, of course, go to Mass. But I don't. I didn't do a Lenten promise and I have had meat on Friday.
I don't know why I am doing this. I am not angry at God; my beliefs have not changed; I have no real reason for not going. I have been having a lot of spiritual dryness but nothing that should cause me not to go. I know that 'feelings' should be discounted.
I know I need to go to Confession. I also need prayers, please.
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4 comments:
Mairin,
I have experienced this also. Trust God through times like these, he never abandons us. Often periods like these are allowed by God and do not last forever. I believe He allows this so that we learn to abandon ourselves to Him like little children. After I have gone through times like you are describing God always draws me closer than I was before. I will pray for you.
I forgot to add:
Don't make yourself sick over it :)
And make sure you still go to Mass [at least on Sunday]. Confessions helps, too. God bless you :)
Mairin: How are you doing now? You are truly carrying the Cross. I hope Easter you rose as well.
I am still resisting. So stupid! I don't know why. Thankfully, my husband isn't saying much about it because I know I would just be worse.
I appreciate the prayers and concern.
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